The Upside of Our Craving for Connection
I recently had the honor of sitting down with the amazing NBC Texas Today host, Kristen Dickerson, to share ways to connect and how design can help heal loneliness.
Perched on white stool beside her, I was struck by something she said that is still rattling in my head today – that loneliness is such a sad word. And perhaps it is. I get it. No one wants to be lonely, and yet roughly 3 in 5 Americans are. Loneliness often feels like a personal fault, “what, no one wants to hang out with you?!” but that couldn’t be further from the truth, it is the trick that loneliness plays on our minds, and the way it grows in the darkness.
However, the truth is that loneliness is a craving like hunger, a signal from your body and mind, telling you “I want connection”. Sometimes we have this craving because we don’t see many people, other times, it is because we are around lots of people, yet never feel really seen. Whatever the cause, I want to normalize the struggle for us. We all go through lonely times, heck some of us spend our whole lives with a sense of loneliness; but I want you to know, you’re certainly not alone in that feeling. And there is nothing wrong with you if you’re feeling lonely.
Often times we can forget about the bigger message, one I want to sing from the rooftops, that social connection is FABULOUS for your health! And there is so much you can do to help yourself and those you love become more connected.
In his best-selling book, Together: The healing power of social connection in a sometimes lonely world, U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy breaks down three levels of social connection, or relationships that we need:
- Intimate relationships: (emotional) A close confidant or partner, with which you share a deep mutual trust, affectation, and bond. (Ex: Cry on their shoulder, deep supportive love)
- Relational relationships: (social) A desire for high quality friendships, support, and companionship. (Ex: Gather for brunch, birthday parties)
- Collective relationships: A desire for a community or network that shares a common purpose or interests. (Ex: work on community initiatives with)
A lack of relationships in any of these levels can leave us feeling lonely. Which helps explain how we can be in a supportive marriage and still feel lonely, or have a great group of co-workers and supportive friends, and yet crave an intimate relationship and feel loneliness in that way. This doesn’t have to be a romantic relationship, it can be a best friend with which you share everything.
How do you feel on each of those levels?
If you feel a craving on any of these three levels, what small action could you do to be the change you want to see, ask a friend out for a tea, attend a group meeting of like-minded or – missioned people in your area, or allow yourself to be seen by a friend to deepen your relationship.
If you feel fulfilled on all of these three levels, you are unique, and have a lot to be grateful for. What small action could you take this week to show those people you appreciate them?
On that note, I wanted to say how much I appreciate all of YOU! Your support, sharing, and shared passion for making the world a happier, healthier, more connected place is so fulfilling, and I am deeply grateful for you!
NOT TO MISS
Erin’s interview with NBC- DFW on Design for Connection.
Are you looking for ways to get more involved in the social connection movement? Check out the upcoming Building Connected Communities Action Forum.