Mentorship Matters
“Sure. If you want to have to apologize later,” she said in the deadpan tone I’d grown to love. Even over Zoom, thousands of miles, and time zones away Mardelle was still teaching me. Teaching me a kind of tough love I adore in a mentor.
“Message received,” I chuckled sitting back in my chair. As I took a moment to update my thinking, I remembered more a similar such conversations a decade prior over walks filled with her words, and our shared laughter at the messiness of navigating life’s challenges.
January we celebrate National Mentoring Month, and I celebrate the lessons from both sides of the mentoring relationship. #mentorship
Mentorship matters - in work, in life, in times of transition, and especially in times when we feel lost, unseen, stuck, and seeking. Mentorship is not the exchange of services, but the building of a meaningful relationship between mentee and mentor. In that spirit, I wanted to share a few of my takeaways from amazing mentors and mentees in my life. And, hoping that you will share some of yours with me!
What my mentors taught me:
Hard things: To do the hard thing, even when it makes no sense today, because it will make all your tomorrows smoother (getting licensed was that for me).
Ask: Above all else, I’ve seen how rich the reward is not when you ask someone “will you be my mentor,” but instead, “can we work on something together?”, or “can you help me with X or Y” (be specific).
Mutuality: Build the relationship and invest in the relational bank before you start making withdrawals. Relationships are like a seesaw, each person sharing the gifts they have, building connections, and showing interest in one another.
What the people I've mentored taught me:
Understanding of my gifts: Sometimes you don’t realize the gifts you have until you share them with others and see their value. Mentorship feels like that a lot.
The value of listening: More often than not, mentoring is not about what you say, but listening, asking questions, and helping the other find the answers within themselves. I’ve seen how effective this is to help others, and felt it in my own life.
A new lens: I absolutely love working with people with different life experiences and backgrounds because they show me a new lens on old knowledge, problems, or situations. The diversity of experience and views has made my life infinitely richer.
Lastly, these are the fundamental pieces of advice for anyone navigating their career, aka the 4 Cs (originally shared w/ Madame Architect in 2023):
Curiosity: “Every decision is an experiment, and failure or success is just a part of learning what works and doesn’t.”
Connection: “Connection with others will help weather life’s storms — from getting through a breakup, a setback, or navigating the next stage in our careers.”
Champion: Be a champion for others and find people who will champion you.
Compass: In the storms of life, a good internal compass is worth its weight in gold. Invest time in listening to the still small voice within you.
I leave you with a final note from one of my favorite thinkers, writers, and leaders on mentorship is Adam Grant, everything he does sparkles with a mentorship mindset, captured beautifully in this quote:
“The more I help out, the more successful I become. But I measure success in what it has done for the people around me. That is the real accolade.” - Adam Grant, Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success
What has been your experience with mentorship? Do you have a story of a great mentor? Or someone that you’re so glad you said yes to mentoring? Any advice for those looking for mentors?
Looking for more? Here are a few highlights:
Watch my TEDx: How design can heal loneliness and foster connection.
Architect Magazine: Read my latest on architecting lives of connection.
Excited to be joining Evelyn Lee on Practice Disrupted podcast soon to talk about mental health and architecture, I will be sure to share!